As I Wake Up....

 

 

My brain is constantly going. Thought after thought after thought...

Most of the time, the thoughts are all coming at once. Fighting to get to the head of my brain... away from the back where about 25,000 OTHER thoughts get lost.

The second my eyes open, they begin. To-do list, who needs to focus on what today in schooling, whats for dinner, Who do I need to call, Who I need to write back in e-mail, don't forget to check vacation quotes for this person, that person for this time.

Thank God my iphone holds half my notes. At night, when I finally crawl into bed, ( somewhere past 11 pm) I lay down and fill in my calendar on my phone... update to-do's.

I try always to end my day and begin my day with prayer. Unplug for the night and put the ipad and iphone to bed. Pray as I turn over to go to sleep and before I even dare remove those nice warm down covers... pray again.

This morning was especially Crazy. My brain was working overtime. With such a busy weekend ahead, Today was my LAST down day before the craziness started...which makes my mind go NUTS!

Its the LAST day to organize. My LAST day to plan and my LAST day to make sure I have EVERYTHING I need to JUMP into the craziness that awaits.

Its like a hen house up in there... thoughts fighting and talking over each other just to get themselves heard.

I can just see them pecking each other and hair pulling....

My ADD kicked in and as I feebly tried to place soild thoughts together for my morning prayer, I must have slowly started to doze off and my prayer somehow turned into a blog post... in PRAYER form. Or vice versa...

 

Y'all.... I was PRAYING a blog post to God??

 

Does anyone see a problem with this??

Anybody know what Im talking about???

 

* Its about this time in my post I will shamefully admit that the above action was NOT the first time this happened...oh no no no no***

Its happened more than once to me, and I have said numerous times before... Thank GOD for HIS grace because LORD KNOWS I need LOTS of it...

So I got up, made my coffee and let the warmth quiet my thoughts for a moment...

The kids already began trampling down the stairs. Half comatose and wrapped in blankets. I let them sleep in on Thursdays. Wednesday nights are spent at church and by the time we come home, unwind and we wrestle them to bed, its late.

***I'd like to now take this time to publicly thank all those wonderful teachers who hype up our children with sugar at 8 pm at night ***

Just kidding, its all good. 

But anyway, here I sit, in the not so stillness and not so quiet of the morning...

Caffeinated.

 

And ready to start the day...

 

My thoughts have calmed down a bit and some have already left after being accomplished. New thoughts will take their place. I will conquer my to-do lists that I wrote at midnight LAST night and make new ones for tomorrow.

 

Noah will continue his reading lessons, Molly will practice her math and a grocery list will be formed before noon.

 

Disney Vacations will be booked for a couple of my clients and I will be SO happy for them.

 

And through the day I will tame my thoughts with prayer... snippets of prayer for friends, family, my business and guidance to help me stay on track..

But Golly-G-Wiz...

I wish my thoughts would give me a break for just a second in the morning....

What about you??

What goes on when YOU wake up?

XoXo,

GiGi

Well, Don't Leave Me Hanging....

Yesterday's post is still hanging around today. I was overwhelmed with the response of other women's "soundtracks." And I was happy that we can all just be stinkin honest!!! 

Thank YOU for taking the time to be true!

I fell asleep praying over my home last night ( as I shamefully, always do) and woke up with an excitement in my heart. It was ignited even further when God answered a prayer about something I have been praying about for a while. It was in the form of an email... the first one of the morning. WHat JOY!!!!!  ( I can't reveal THAT just yet, but stay tuned...). And although the day was filled with distractions, frustrations and fights, I managed to keep our soundtrack up above and beyond what it was last week.

The weather helped IMMENSELY, and I managed to soak in lots of vitamin D as well as walk some energy off.

God is good and faithful. He gives us what we need WHEN we need it... Not a bit sooner. Working on changing the temperature of your home is HARD but I'm committed. Consciously, changing it day by day. Not looking any further than today...

So, how was your day today? Was it better? Was it worse? How has God been helping you with this challenge? I would love to chat about it. Leave a comment... And if you recently left one, check back.... I'm getting MUCH better at answering them. 

XoXo,

GiGi

Can YOU Answer This Question???

For those of you that follow me on Twitter, you saw that I posted a question asking...

" What would the soundtrack of your home sound like?"

Purring and praise or nails on a chalkboard?

Its a question I have been praying about since I came home from church Sunday afternoon. After my stint with distraction, our Pastor spoke straight at my heart. It was quite uncomfortable if I do say so myself.

He asked the moms how our home would sound if caught on tape? Constant yelling, griping and complaining... or would it bring forth praise?

would it Give life to those that are in it? Or suck the life out of you?

I wanted to just shrivel down in my seat, I was SO convicted it HURT! I was just thinking how I needed to bring forth total change in our Little Red House and NOW THIS???

HELLO?!?! Isn't God supposed to read our thoughts? Didn't he KNOW I already had this covered? Why did he have to bring the pastor into it and get me all weird?

I glanced over at hubby and wondered what he was thinking of it. Actually, I KNEW what he was thinking and I was just waiting....

One little smirk or poke in the side to me and I was ready to throw him right over the balcony edge...Bible and all.

I mean, I would ALREADY be in church. One throw-over and I could walk right down the stairs and wipe the slate clean right??

I know, I know...

But his words did ring true... I have been going through a *small* season of discontent. A Storm of overwhelmingness and a bit of chaos. The temperature in our home has been running a bit off kilter... I think it was because the gauge (ME) was a bit broken.

God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I get that, but sometimes.... just sometimes I think he forgets and may have added a bit too much to my plate...

Its those days that the soundtrack needs to be smashed into itty-bitty pieces.

Anybody know what I'm talking about here??

Anybody?

And I know that days covered and bathed in prayer turns out better but for some reason, I haven't been doing that as much as I should... and I let the negative eat the positive and the soundtrack just gets all messed up...

But as I sat in that pew and prayed... I made a decision to change it forever... I had already come to the conclusion that something needed to be done and this message was God himself asking ME... Little ol mom of 7.... to PLEASE.... PLEASE... change.

How can I say NO to God??

So thats what I am doing. Im changing my soundtrack.... and even though today is day 1... its much better than last week. I might have had to re-record over a few minutes.... But Gods grace did that for me.

For a Monday, I can't complain. And Tomorrow is Tuesday. A fresh day. A new cd gets put in the player and I pray its better than today.

So, Can you answer that question??? 

If God were to come down from Heaven and play a soundtrack of your home, what would it be like??

Please comment and let me know...

***For those moms that are perfect with soundtracks that sound like angels singing..... feel free to pass the comments by.***

HA!

XoXo,

GiGi

A Little Of This....

The weekend is coming to a close and once again it flew by. Hubby goes back to work tomorrow, schooling begins promptly at 9 a.m and chaos will bring in the day... But I won't think about that now. No I won't. Right now I'm sitting on the floor in the living room while 5 little mouths chop on popcorn and watch "Robots." our Sunday night movie routine. I made a pot of coffee. I need to stay up and prep for tomorrow but not until I take a few minutes, sip my brew and visit with you.

Every Friday is our co-op day. And every Friday we pack up our big 15 passenger with kids and supplies and head 25 minutes south. It's a parent led co-op. No drop off for us!! As parents, we teach, create and love on all the kids. We have worship together and celebrate all kinds of events. Halfway thru we break for lunch and then continue on. I teach a teen bible study class and just adore it. I adore the girls, their ideas and minds, their individuality amazes me and I love forming relationships with them. 

Co-op also gives me a chance to dust off some of my cute clothes in my closet and put them to good use....

The best quick shot I could take without kids photo bombing

 Do you like my professional fashion shots??? Sorry, this is the best I can do. Complete with counter mess and half of my heart meds all over the place....

Keepin it real my friends....

Co-op Outfit of the day

By the end of the day, when we packed up everyone to go back home, they were super hyper. Extra kids tried sneaking in the back of the van to go home with us, sun was shining, windows down and music was up. I was utterly exhausted... Like every Friday afternoon, I crashed on the couch and relaxed.

Saturday was more of the same. Hubby went to his dads house to do man things. You know, hang ceiling fans, fix things and such. I stayed back with my mother in law and chatted while the kids ran around and played. Chinese food was brought home by the men-folk and we feasted on all things wonton! By the end of the day, my teens went back with the grandparents for a sleep over and the littles went to bed... Peace reigned in my house. I caught up on correspondence, read some blogs, cleaned up and went to bed way.too.late. I mean WAY late....

Which Made waking up a new form of torture...but we woke up, and we made sure we went to church even though we may have been 20 minutes late walking in... Which means we lost our seat in the fifth row from the front... Which means we were stuck up in the balcony.... By ourselves. 

Church Outfit of the day

Hubby loves the balcony. I don't. I feel alone! I don't get to wave to all my friends. Or chat real quick during greeting time. AND I don't pay attention as well. I get distracted by the smallest things. Today wasn't any different, but then something our guest speaker said caught my attention and I was glued to every word. It was like he had a glimpse into our life the past few weeks and God was gently guiding me back to where I/our house needed to be. 

During my distraction moment

It made me so thankful that we did push ourselves and make it to church today, even if we were bone tired and delirious from lack of sleep. God blessed us with a timely word that still remains in my heart and a challenge that can ONLY be met with HIS help.

After dinner, we took the 5 little ones on a walk to our park. The air was perfect. We could smell summer on the horizon and knew we were past the cold days of winter.... FINALLY! Time for walks, bike-rides and windows open.

Add caption

My Sunday nap was extra long today and harder than usual to wake up from... And right now, at 9:02 p.m, my bed is calling my name and I just might answer.

Welcome to daylight savings time as a mom of 7. Where every.single.second of time and sleep is beyond precious.

Sorry for the rambling post, but I just wanted to catch y'all up on minor happenings in our little red house. Hubby and I are about to settle in the recliners and watch the BIBLE series on our DVR. We have yet to see them and are so excited to seethe word ALIVE and on television.... So happy it's hitting top ratings. It goes to show you how much power that "old book" still has....

How are y'all enjoying the mini series???

XoXo,

GiGi

Because Of Queen Esther.

***WELCOME TO INFERTILITY FRIDAYS: SUPPORTING A FRIEND THRU SECONDARY INFERTILITY AND BEYOND. If your new.... catch up HERE ***

Im Linking up over at Casey's... Check it out

I had about 10 really valid reasons as to WHY I should not go to bible study last night. We were studying Beth Moore's " Esther." I enjoyed it but leaving my house a mess at the end of the day makes me twitch. I was tired, 10 tons of laundry STILL needed to be folded and put away, my house was messy... does anyone know what I'm talking about here?

But knowing my kids would hang me from our front tree if I stayed home, I packed everyone in the big white van and headed out...With a tired attitude!

It only took about 10 minutes into the video to realize I had another "God appointment." Beth Moore spoke on topics that shook me to the core... a topic that strikes most women.... FEAR! My hand couldn't write fast enough as I tried to write down every sentence that came out of that womans mouth. My head nodded as if it were a bobble head and I had to bite my tongue from constantly saying "Amen..Amen..Amen.."

Fear is something I battle viciously... and sometimes over the most stupidest things... It also made me SO MAD that Michelle wasn't sitting RIGHT NEXT to me... listening to these words. After the week that she had, she needed to hear How Queen Esther OVERCAME HERSELF and forever left a biblical example of VALOR! 

ONE day's worth of medicine

Last Friday ( after I posted week 2) began her VERY first morning injection. Her medicinal schedule starts off slow, then begins to increase over time, hitting a peak and then decreasing based on counts.

7 a.m was the big moment and our texts began....

That early morning text

"FRICK!!!"

I whispered to hubby that I would be right back, slipped on my slipper boots, grabbed my steaming mug of coffee and headed over. I might never forgive her for letting my neighbor drive by my house just as my bed-head self was walking across the lawn, but I'm sure she can make it up to me by naming her child after me.. hee hee...

I walked in to a girl filled with fear... afraid of a tiny 12 gauge needle sitting on the counter, deciding her fate.

She's not afraid of needles. Its whats inside that send shivers up her spine. almost Deadly reactions in her past had left scars that are now affecting her future...

Her husband and I joined forces with encouraging words, pep talks, countdowns... nothing seemed to work. John even offered to do the injection for her ( despite his strong urge to vomit and pass out..)

Before long, she was headed to work, the needle STILL sitting on the counter. Fear had won. No baby.

But at 10:05 am my phone chimed..

"INJECTION DONE!"

I couldn't believe what I was reading. Really?? Could it be? She had John bring it up to work for her and in the customer bathroom of her place of employment, another woman joined her village of support.

Cassie- who gave Michelle her VERY first injection... in the bathroom!

See, It really does take a village to navigate thru this life. It ain't easy and without those people to uplift you and support you when you can't support yourself, defeat comes quick.

36 years of fear was just overcome with one tiny prick. She overcame herself and entered into a new chapter of her life... and I was PROUD!

Friday night rolled around and I found myself at her house for her evening injection. John and the kids were off at a dance and the house was silent. There on her counter lay her night injection... and just like that, right before my eyes she loaded that sucker up and stuck herself... halfway. Then she did that 2 more times before finally hitting the mark on the 4th try...

I think I peed myself laughing so hard as she stood there wondering why she was bleeding so bad... and started counting her prick marks..

"1, 2 oh wait, heres another one... FOUR. HOW DID I STICK MYSELF FOUR TIMES..."

But the medicine was in and she was on a roll. Sunday night, 2 more injections were added to the list which made it a grand total of 2 injections in the morning and 2 at night.

Nurse Cindy learning how to properly mix the meds... and John trying to learn....

Nurse Cindy, a friend and former neighbor of Michelle came over to help mix one of the injections for her and has since shown up every night since then to mix and release. She is a great nurse... we met over 4 years ago on a very grim day. She made me smile as I was wheeled into surgery to say goodbye to my 14 week old baby... 2 years later, we met again as Michelle's neighbor... such a small little town this place is... and what an even better friend. Every night, five minutes to eight, she pulls up in front of the house, just in time to give Michelle her proper dose.... well, PROPER isn't exactly the word... It was just discovered TONIGHT that she was given Michelle only HALF the dose she needed... but more on that NEXT week. 

Nurse not-so-gentle who went digging for gold in Michelles arm

Nurse Cindy is definitely a part of this very unique and eclectic village.... which leaves me to the most colorful person who shows support in the most loving way.

My Aunt Diana. My Aunt Diana and Uncle Joe live 5 houses down from me. They provide wisdom and prayer at a moments notice... not to mention good good home cooking. They also watch Michelles kids while she works....

And Yesterday, Aunt Diana accompanied Michelle to her Drs visit. More blood work and more ultrasounds took up her morning and Aunt Diana was there to see her through.

Time for a SONO... Its-A- FOLLICLE or 2 or 8....

 Medicines need adjusting, eggs need to grow faster and prayers need to continue to rise. Her egg retrieval date is quickly closing in. The halfway point. The place she never thought she would be able to get through... But what happens after the retrieval is truly in Gods hands.

Michelle and my Aunt Diana

So, what does this all have to do with a Jewish Queen??

Oh, A lot my friend. You see, The Queen was facing quite a dilemma ( Esther 4: 9-11) One that made her look death in the face. Like Michelle, her small body was rocked with fear.... Her "what if's" took over and the statistics of the outcome were quite clear...

But who did Esther turn to for her crisis?

First, of course, she cried out to The Lord... But then she immediately knew what had to be done...

Her and Mordecai gathered "her people..."

HER VILLAGE...

And together, with prayer, support and faith they journeyed together...

She OVERCAME the most frequent command in the bible....

She OVERCAME FEAR...(Esther 4:12-17)

And this past week... these simple 7 days that just past, Michelle did the same...

And because of it, she changed her storyline and changed her world.

God never ceases to amaze me.... He has such an awesome and supernatural way of interweaving every area of my life together to teach me a lesson... THRU someone else...and in that process, someone else's faith grew... and within that, someone else had an answered prayer. NO ONE would be able to orchestrate such a story but our almighty God!!

A God that holds every star in the sky,  cares about me SO much to forever send me small reminders that HE is ALWAYS there...

God never promises us that a life devoted to him means that we will escape life's troubles.... Many times the faithful are put through the fires.... but HE, in His grace and mercy, lets us grab the hand of a friend who is willing to walk thru that fiery furnace with us...

XoXo,

GiGi

Little Red Homeschooling...

Our Little Red house has been bustling!!! In between snippets of sunshine and 60 degree days, our fingers are starting to itch to work in our garden. March came in chilly this year, with grey skies and rain. Not exactly spring-type weather... but things change quick around here and before we know it, our windows will be open and it will be time to watch our garden grow.

My 8 year old Molly takes a gardening class at co-op and 3 weeks ago she came home with a bag of bean seeds waiting to sprout. She watched it carefully as the little green seedling broke thru that hard layer of seed. She was so excited to watch it grow....

At the same time, I decided to double our garden space this year. Hubby and I are avid gardeners and had a quite large one when we lived in NY, but for some reason, we have not perfected southern soil. Our garden here is small and not as fruitful as we like. But every year in the spring, the itch comes back and we try again. This year is no different BUT I decided some pot plantings will work best. Doubling the garden in POTS instead of in the ground, where we can control the soil just might do the trick... and
Molly is my worker bee. She thrives best with jobs to do, hard work, instruction and tasks. Free time often finds her in trouble with her siblings, arguing or just chaos... but when given a "special" job that requires management and hard work and she just THRIVES! She is a HARD worker and a GOOD one! Sine she just adores being outside, what better way to put her skills and my idea to good use.

So, I did what any good homeschooling mom would do... I incorporated it right into our schooling day. With a handful of seed packets and plastic bags, she first sprouted them, then transferred the seedlings into cells with potting soil, added labels and covered....

After a very thorough online kids video of the seed cycle, the kids were MORE than thrilled to wait for the outcome...

In the meantime, we watch them grow and map out where we want to place them. I still need some pots and soil to transfer them once the threat of frost is over... and of course more herbs for my herb garden.

My Oregano is OUT.OF.CONTROL. and took over our strawberry patch... and every other spot on our lawn. Come summer, when hubby cuts the lawn, the sweet fragrance of sauce waifs thru our yard. Its quite funny... sometimes...

Im going to dig half of it up and give it to my aunt who wants wild oregano in her yard... but im not sure she realizes just how wild it is.

I can just see Molly now, waking up in the early light of the day to head outside and check on her plants. Pruning and weeding... checking the berries as they ripen. What a memory she will have as she grows up... and hopefully a tradition that she will pass on to HER kids...

Now if only hubby would agree to plant some fruit trees... Now THAT would really be awesome....

Just think Hun... home-made apple pie... whenever.you. want. Mmmmm

XoXo,

GiGi

When Tweets Mean A Good Morning....

Social media has such a bad rap. We hear of the horrors of Facebook and sexual predators, marriages that have broken up from tweeting gone wrong... And most people will never admit to the fact that behind closed doors, they are social media ADDICTS! You know THOSE people... They claim they are never ever on, but somehow know things about your life that prove otherwise? Yeah, I guess they think everyone is as dumb as them right?

I make it no secret that I love social media.... Facebook, twitter, Instagram and blogging... I do it ALL and love it. I'm not sure why? I don't have an exact answer to that, just that I do. I have reconnected with childhood friends, been able to pray in a moments notice for someone in need. Not to mention all the family members who live far that can keep up with our children and daily activities. It's been such a positive experience for me.

There's a bible verse that says:

Psalm 1:1-6

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.

And that's exactly what I thought of today when opening and catching up on my twitter feed.... Tweet after tweet of moms tweeting scripture, prayers, well wishes for the morning. Some posting prayer requests for sick children, others praise reports. I took about 5 minutes to quickly scroll through and say hello to a few other moms. I Wished them a good morning or an encouraging word...

Some of them homeschool, so it's nice to see what their day is like. Laughing at some of the same frustrations and realizing that even 15 states away, moms will be moms and children will be just that.

One mom tweeted a scripture which I just loved and it made me immediately grab my bible and prayer journal and began writing it down, digging deeper into the Psalm and memorizing it for the day....

When we surround ourselves with things that are GOOD and PURE, we get just that in return. Within the evils of modern day media, lies a beautiful world in which I am very thankful for.... Today especially... After coming out of a season of vomit and laundry, I was gently guided to where I needed to be to start my day...

Scripture. The good book.... By big pink and brown bible. Who's pages feel just right between my fingers and my handwriting surrounds every page....

What?? Did you honestly think I used my bible app on my ipad?

Get real! You all KNOW how much I hate change!!!!

XoXo

GiGi

Please Stand By

Please stand by for our regularly scheduled program. Our 3 bathrooms are filled with children vomiting.

I desperately want to tell you all about our fun weekend we had. Dressing up in our Jammie's to get free ice cream and embarrassing all of our kids. How Saturday night turned into an impromptu party at my house... Even when all of our furniture was thrown out and we were scattered all over the floor.

How K- from Quandaries and Quibbles - and her husband joined us and the laughs continued...

She met Michelle, the now infamous " infertile" who half of our small town now knows about...

And then the next day, more friends came over... In the midst of a crisis which may or may not have involved the new furniture and a semi truck that broke down in front of our home. The men-folk of the block gathered around the engine, trying to fix it as best as they could.

I did what I do best... I cooked....

Notice a sleeping Penelope in the rocking chair amidst the chaos

And then one by one the troops succumbed .... And every couple of hours a new child would come down the stairs and join the ranks of the stomach flu.

Alls quiet right now. Kids are recovered and fast asleep. Hubby and I are exhausted and I have TONS of clean clothes to fold. 

But I will sit here and watch the horrible Bachelor (the women tell all) and defend crazy Tierra....

Did I mention it has 4 recliners????

And pray that the sandwich I just ate, stays in my stomach!!!!

Another story told.

Hi! My name is GiGi and I'm guest posting for Jana on Giggleglitzandglam. Im a homeschooling mom of 7 who lives in an awesome Little Red House. I hope you will make GiGi's place your place too!

Its D DAY!!!!

I always say that God writes an awesome story. After 6 births, I still get humbled that God would take the time to perfectly orchestrate the welcoming of each of my children into the world. Not one mistake, and everything working out just as it should .

It also doesn't surprise me that BEFORE each and every baby I STILL try and control each and every moment of my impending labor and delivery.

The same went with #7. With each baby, I become more and more nervous as the big "D" day approached. Im not sure why that is? Maybe because I know a little TOO much about what goes on behind those locked doors. Either way, waiting for little Mr. to make his grand appearance seemed to drive me crazier than having to go thru the whole 9 months. So, like my last 2 babies... and because I deliver very quickly and easily, I scheduled an induction date. August 18th 2012 it would be...

During the summers, and my various bouts with pre term labor, I found it quite shocking to actually make it to that date. I convinced my Dr to induce on a Saturday. He would be on call and knew my easy history... break my water and baby comes. Lots of drugs... no issues... well, except for one. My first baby Emma had the cord wrapped around her neck pretty tight. After hours of pushing... and even more hours of laboring, she barely took her first breath. She was almost strangled to death in the very womb that was supposed to keep her safe from the harms of the world. After a week in the NICU, we were finally reunited.

A few of my other babies had cord issues. Nothing serious. I assume they just liked to hold on for dear life and not want to emerge...

Anyway, I was a wreck. It was six in the morning as hubby and I pulled into the parking space. I had a pit in my stomach the size of a grapefruit. I had a "feeling"... and I hate when I have those. I almost didn't walk in. Perhaps I should have let this one come naturally and not force it. I wasn't as dilated as I was with all my other ones. For some reason, Baby Caleb wanted to stay put! But my mother in law flew in to watch my other kids, Hubby was all excited... I just had to.

before the trouble started

So off we went. I was greeted by smiles. After a CRAZY Friday in the L and D ward, today was a ghost-town. I didn't mind. The nurses chatted and got me set up and tried to calm my nerves. I still couldn't shake that feeling.

As the Dr casually strolled in to say hello and see if I was ready to go, I assured him to go ahead. As with my past babies, once the first contraction hit, I would dilate and meet my baby in minutes. My exact words were..

"Hey Doc, my labors are a breeze, except sometimes my kids like to get all tangled in the cord, but it will all be good..."

Little did I know that later on, I would be eating those words... ( or better yet, throwing them up.)

An epidural was admitted before the pain made an entrance. How easy would this be?? A NO pain labor.

My anesthesiologist was amazing, but no matter what dose he gave me, they couldn't get it working quite well. i felt it in my left side, sometimes in my right and after a while, as the contractions started picking up... deep deep within. I was numb all over except for within the depths of my uterus. Weird I know...

and my anesthesiologist kept watch.

I remained the only patient on the floor and despite my sunny personality, I finally realized they weren't popping in just to see the happy mom of 7. Their eyes remained on the monitor and I often heard my Dr. telling Baby Caleb to behave.

His heart was acting a bit weird with every contraction but once my water was broken, he should arrive as quickly as someone shooting down a water slide... at least thats what the Dr. hoped.

In true GiGi style, I dilated from a 3 to 8 in 10 seconds flat. Nurses jumped around and delivery carts came rushing in. The time was HERE!!! I was going to meet my very last baby boy!

In abut 10 minutes I should be dilated to 10 and then the fun can begin... but 10 minutes passed and i was still at 8....

Then 20, 30, and 40 minutes passed.... and nothing.

His heart continued to decline and my Dr continued to keep watch over that monitor as if the biggest sporting event were on.

My epidural refused to work correctly and I winced with every contraction... and finally, without even realizing it, i keyed in.

I heard his heart. And as I started to realize what I was listening to, it became deafening.... barely beating...

The nurses did anything they could to get it up. I was flipped around, upside down, legs in the air... until this little soul was stabilized.

I sent out a text for prayer... I was too exhausted to even form the words myself.

With each contraction my heart joined him and I heard it hardly beat. The nurses circled around me, waiting for the word to rush into surgery... not wanting me to catch on to any of this...

2 hours later I reached to 9.... 1 little cm to go. I offered to push even though it would tear my cervix. Who needed one anyway? I wasn't planning on having any more kids... I didn't NEED a cervix, but I was forbidden.

I cried with each contraction begging God to let him live... holding my breath until his heart beat began rising again. At one moment, his scalp monitor fell off without me knowing and I started screaming that he was dying...

About this time I noticed the nurses started gathering my things. The nice ol anesthesiologist started giving me more drugs, hair clips were being removed and my rings were being taped.

"Please don't let me get a c-section.." I cried and cried. I begged for general. How would I be able to withstand a c section when my epidural wouldn't work. I passed the numb test, but deep within my uterine walls, I felt it all...

"Its time to have a baby..."

Were my Drs last words. Before I knew what was happening, I was being rolled into surgery. My husband was pulled aside and privately told that during the section he would be asked to leave. Once they cut to the uterus, I would probably feel it and they would put me under...

And thats exactly what happened. I glanced to my left as my husband was being rushed out and I started screaming as to why he was leaving... and then I started yelling as they tugged and pulled at parts that shouldn't be felt by human hands... I thought my baby was dying... the baby who I felt for nine months and the baby who's heart I was just praying for....

And then I went to sleep....

I woke up a short time later and there was my hubby. Smiling over me.

" OH MY GOD IS THE BABY OK?"

" He's right here hun..."

just a few minutes old in the operating room

And there he was. As perfect as could be and nestled in his daddy's arms. He was healthy and alive.

It turns out my last baby wanted to be just like my first baby and wrap the cord around him so tight that he couldn't descend. He was stuck but because of the great hands of my OB, He was perfectly fine. He was taken out just in time. With a full set of hair and stunning blue eyes... Just like my baby Emma.

Some of the kids saying HI for the first time

Our first night together consisted of me throwing up from the anesthesia... and when I did wake up, I was thrown awake by vicious nightmares of my labor... of my baby's heart stopping but in my dreams, it never started again. I woke up in sweats but thankful he was next to me... breathing softly and smelling sweet.

Our first night together

 That sweet anesthesiologist came to visit and apologize for not being able to "do his job..." I assured him it was ok, things happen and in the end, we all lived to tell the tale.

The funny thing is, My first and last look the most alike... like two book ends. One Girl and one boy... with 4 babies in between. Both entered the world traumatically and both changed my life forever. My first and my last.....

day 2

FIVE short days later, I was rushed back to the hospital with pregnancy induced heart failure. Read about that journey HERE.

- XoXo GiGi

Knocked Up

***Welcome to INFERTILITY FRIDAY... Supporting a friend through secondary infertility and beyond. If your new, catch up here***

 "Whatever happened to the good ol days when we would just get knocked up?" 

I couldn't help but laugh. This was a conversation I was having with a friend from high school when we were both having problems conceiving a child we both desperately wanted. She too, suffered from secondary infertility and turned to medicine to make the miracle happen.

Like many women, the days of getting pregnant from hanging your underwear too close to your husbands was long gone....replaced by timed injections and oh-so-romantic trans-vaginal ultrasounds.

On Wednesday, Michelle's medicine had arrived. By coincidence, I happen to be by the door as our Pearl Jam rockin UPS man came cruising down our court. Penelope's last day of therapy had come and we greeted Courtney as she pulled in. I waved across the street at Michelle, who was also at her door .

Low and behold, the magic of baby making arrived.... In cardboard. Wrapped in dried ice.

When I had a free second, I ran across the street to see the goods.

There we were, upstairs, closed in her master bathroom with enough syringes and alcohol to open our own minute clinic.

"I can't believe this is what it's taking to get pregnant..."

She just kept shaking her head as she pulled more bags out to show me.

I was excited... Again... Ready to do a happy dance. I remembered everything sweet Lindsey had said and was ready to start mixing right there and then. Michelle, on the other band, wasn't feeling my enthusiasm.

I mean, I have no clue why she shouldn't be as excited as I am to pump her body up with loads of synthetic hormones?

Ok, maybe I do have a clue... A small one. But regardless of who is holding the pink and blue Pom poms, this, right here, is happening! Real life starting at 7 a.m. Tomorrow. After a week of being on birth control, and the administering of that first shot, she lays her reproductive future over to modern science.