Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A LifeTime Of Rememberance

For those of you that are not aware, and for the few that will never have to be aware, October is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness.

Unfortunately, I am not one of those moms.

Altogether, I lost 5 precious babies. And I grieved the life of someone I never knew 5 times...

But one certain pregnancy stands out the most to me. It was a baby I saw dance around on screen one day...

And then pass away the next. You can read all about my remembrance HERE

Those were days I never want to re live.

Thankfully, after numerous losses and then not being able to conceive, I was blessed with not 1 but 2 very healthy little babies. Welcoming them into the world was medicine to my soul. The 9 months of waiting was a pure faith walk filled with doubt, anxiety and fear. But in the end, my heart is forever changed...

Missing my 5 little ones that are not with me.

I have been blessed with a friendship that was formed from tears. My friend Michelle A.K.A (My favorite Italian) and I first bonded over our losses. We had known each other for years as casual acquaintances but it wasn't until her very dark pregnancy loss that we connected. A mutual friend gave her my number. Shortly after, she called and cried and we chatted for hours...

Our friendship was sealed over tears.

That was almost 3 years ago...

She is stuck in a world of drugs and shots... praying that the next procedure will bear some good news.

She is often alone in her struggles... the world of someone struggling with secondary infertility is often cold and harsh. Women have no sympathy for someone who already has 3 children... after all, they can't even have 1.

And the rest think she has enough...why would she want more?

But the pain is real, the hurt is raw and the nightmare never goes away.

I feel honored to have "accidentally" been thrown into her world. I feel honored that she let me in. I see her worries and fears firsthand. Im there for her when procedures come and go with no success...

And when she is ready to give up..

I dust off my pom-poms and try and cheer her back on track.

Tomorrow, on her 3 year anniversary, I have asked her to write a guest post on her  journey. I pray it will help her connect to other awesome women bloggers who have traveled the same road...

Or perhaps bring closure to others...

I pray everyone who reads her words can be blessed in some way.

I pray everyone can be sensitive to her feelings regardless of your opinions

but most of all, I pray that no one is prideful enough to think that her pain cannot one day be yours....




  1. I'm so sorry for your losses. It is funny how different people react when you already have a child (or children), like it isn't a big deal because at least you have one. That's actually something my MIL said after my miscarriage - she said, "Don't ever listen to someone who says, "Well, at least you've got 1!"". NOT comforting.
    I'm so sorry for your friend and look forward to reading her story.

  2. Thanks for sharing. Sorry for your loss and am praying for you and your friend. I'm sure it's not easy. Never been there but I remember the thoughts of what if? Hugs!

  3. Thank you for sharing and featuring Michelle's story. It was truly touching and helped me feel a little less alone today.



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