My Emma Paige went to her first Christmas Semi-Formal last night. She was so excited all week, she could hardly sleep. When the invitation came in the mail we immediately began shopping for a dress. Our journey ended at the first shop we went to... This is it mom!! AND Its half price!! She wore the dress all day and imagined how the night would be.
All day yesterday she had a smile on her face and one eye on the clock. When it was time, she quickly got dressed and ran down the stairs so I could do her hair. She raided my jewelry draws and borrowed my earrings,hair pin and bracelet. I even let her pick one of my perfumes to wear.
She was beautiful.
"I have butterflies in my stomach Mom.." she said as we drove to the church. I didn't tell her but I had butterflies too. I was excited for her, nervous for her and a bit sad that I had to leave her all by herself... who would she sit with? will she have fun? Will she be lonely? Will she make new friends..." All those motherly worries poured through my head. It felt so wrong to just drop her off at the door for such an event without accompanying her.
We pulled in and Emma could not stop smiling. The butterflies in my stomach got worse as we walked closer to the door. I had my arm around her, I wanted to see the room and make sure she walked in ok. I began to whisper in her ear when an earth shattering wind came. It screamed "EMMA" by 3 different voices... the glass doors flew open, hands grabbed her and before I could blink she was gone. The doors closed behind her and I stood there out in the cold looking in. My daughter was laughing and chatting away with her friends. Without even a glance back at me... she was gone.
As silly as this sounds, I held back the tears as I climbed back in the van to go home. It seemed like yesterday I held her so tight wrapped up in a receiving blanket. All the baby books I have read through the years tells you to bond with your baby, hold your baby, rock your baby... none of the books tell you how to let go. How do you let go of someone you love so much?
I know last night was just the beginning of many semi-formals, dress shopping, hair straightening and big nights! With 4 girls, I have endless nights of that ahead... But I will take it in stride. I will enjoy the moments I have with them now and pray that I get just a few moments more to hold her close.