Thursday, May 7, 2009

Secret Club

Im a member of a secret club. I have been for a long time. My membership card is torn and wrinkled and has been "punched" 5 times. Prior to my initiation, I never knew such a club existed but as my membership was handed to me, I saw the members. They came out of hiding.I was taken under the more experienced members wing and counseled. I had so many questions. I wanted answers... They had some but not the ones I wanted. I wanted out. I didn't want to be part of their group anymore. I wanted to shed the requirements. I wanted to step out and run along the others who knew nothing of them.
 It was too late. I will always be a member. There is no turning back. We all have the same stamp on our heart, there is nothing I can do about that.
 As the years passed and unfortunately my experience grew, I began taking new members under my wing. I was now on the other side, looking at this poor girl, telling her what she didn't want to know. She wanted out. I told her there is no way. She now had the same stamp.
 A couple days ago I got my latest stamp on my card. It does not get easier. Sometimes its easier to just stamp it yourself... you've been down this road before, you know where it leads.
 Im happy for the women who get to put their card away... no more stamps for them. They almost look like the others who are oblivious to us... even though I can't help but be envious that its not me.
 Perhaps one day it will be. I can step out and be one of those smiling women, but my membership card will never be hidden. It will always be with me, close to my heart. One sweet day I will cash it in at the gate. My rewards will be there and I will no longer need my membership card.


  1. Your family is beautiful. Thanks for commenting on my blog. We too homeschool, it seems like we have a lot in common:) We are praying for more babies... but we will see what the Lord has planned. We continue to trust in him. Since losing Samuel I feel like I lost half my brain too. I am not sure what the secret club is... but I have my suspicions, maybe it is similar to the child loss club... so hard. I will say a prayer that the Lord eases the pain. Praying for you!

  2. I'm really curious what club it is you are talking about. Hmmm.



Related Posts with Thumbnails