BEWARE... LONG POST AHEAD.
Oh the time has come to really start thinking about that wonderful sweet day I get to hold my sweet P. in my arms... it also comes minutes AFTER I have to go thru one of those dreaded days of labor...
I know what your thinking... this is my SIXTH kid...the baby should walk out. I should be a pro... but actually is quite the opposite. I miss the naive days of baby #1. Where I had no clue and walked into the labor room as blind as a bat.
The thing is, I know to much. I have been there and done that. I know what works, what hurts and what EXACTLY I will dread. Get my drift?
I am NOT by any means a "natural child-birther." I will NEVER birth at home. I believe that babies need to be born in a hospital and I need to have access to all the drugs they will let enter my body to numb me from the horrific, hip tearing pain. I know plenty of natural birthers and tip my hat to them. My good friend has had most of her babies at home... I stand in awe. NOT envy. I don't try to persuade her thinking as long as she doesn't tread on mine =)
I have had ALL sorts of birthing experiences... all involving epidurals, demerol and even IV cocktails. Sometimes the epi was too late and I was forced into "natural" labor, others worked like a charm. Some worked only on half my body and some gave me hot spots... my stories are endless. I still want to hug and kiss the anesthesiologist as he walks thru my door. Other times I was afraid that if he didn't stop asking me questions I would stick the needle in my back myself. I have also requested him as I checked in the registrars office. (you know, like room service... 1 tall needle with drugs on the side... room 3244 Thanks)
But this time around things are a bit different. Im SOOO nervous. Well, thats not different. Im always a nervous wreck before D-day. Im afraid something will go HORRIBLY wrong and I won't make it thru. I'll be that .5%. My husband thinks im NUTS but I always remind him that somebody has to be that .5% ya know???
Im really second guessing that epi. I have been inundated since baby #5 with horror stories about faulty epi's being administered resulting in near death and death for mom. Last year our Homeschooling community mourned the loss of a great mom of 5 during labor due to complications. It can happen. No to mention my poor back has seen better days. My hubby can count endless needle scars from being stuck so many times. (cause you know they can't get it right the first time.) My back is SHOT! My recovery is usually easy peasy. I have my *requests* (demands) during labor.... NO episiotomy, NO vacuum, NO forceps unless someones life depends on it. The worse part of my recovery has always been the epi spot. My back hurts soooo bad. Worse than my bottom!!! What the heck??!!
But can I really endure the labor pain? Please don't give me the "Its natural" blah blah blah stuff. I've had 5 kids remember?? I KNOW that pain. I know intense back pain. I REMEMBER that I described my pain as if someone was ripping my hips apart with pliers. k?! I also swore on my hospital bed that I wold NEVER EVER have more children because the pain was that bad. Nothin natural about that if you ask me. Have you read Genesis?? It was one of God's curses on women when he kicked them out of the garden of Eden. So how prey-tell is that natural.???!!!!!
But alas, here I am again. At a huge crossroads. Not knowing what to do. Ive chatted with my doctors, drawn up a birth plan and even got permission granted for an induction.(again, quick labors....) But I am still sooo uneasy with the thought of another epi... More than uneasy. VERY FEARFILLED UNEASY.
Ive been praying ALOT about this. Trying to describe my perfect birth plan to God. Telling Him..."Well, Lord, if you can have it just go like this and this then it will be ok..." I reminded Him of my friend THE CHATTY MOMMY who had a similar request and she ended up giving birth in her BATHROOM just hours after she was eating at my kitchen table... I kindly reminded GOD of that too... we DON'T need 2 stories like that.GRANTED, I have a master suite but I NEVER intended to use it as a birthing suite...
How silly HE must think I am. As if the creator of the universe needs help in my birth. As if HE already doesn't have the perfect plan for me ALREADY figured out . I really need to change my prayer.... For HIM to take away my fear and take over this labor. But most of all... Take away this fear!!!
For all you preggo mama's out there....
what are YOUR birth plans?Epi? No Epi? or all of the above?
And if you comment, check back. This time I WILL answer them in the comment section.