Tuesday, March 15, 2011

WHAT was I THINKING!!!???!!!

Sometimes its so easy to get caught up in this crazy culture. Where everything is bigger and better and better than what you have. Know what I mean?

When life around you might be grander, might seem grander, sometimes the tides tend to sweep you right along. Before you know it your drowning in a world where up is down, debt is good and depth is non-existent.
Ok, let me back up for a minute...
a few days ago, I found myself actually talking to hubby about selling our beloved little red house. Shocking right? I mean, I've said many times I would die within these walls. (mainly because the thought of moving and the work that entails gives me heart attacks...) but you get the point.
Prices are down, interest rates are better than when we signed 3+ years ago which means... bigger home for the same amount of money. This isn't a new idea. Hubby has wanted to high tail it outta here since the new builders took over. I have dug in my heels and refused to even discuss the topic. I mean, this is our dream. OUR prayers answered. It is OUR home....until a few days ago.
The moving bug hit me hard and I found myself convincing hubby that now is the time. SO many homes, so much more space... so much more NEEDED space for our growing family to spread their wings... and for all our unnecessary junk treasures.
I had already found a few in a neighborhood we liked. Almost 1000 more sq. ft, MUCH bigger yard, established trees. I mean, who stays in their starter home forever right?? We need more room ??!!
Hubby didn't say much as I rattled off ten logical reasons why the "For Sale" sign should be immediately thrown on our lawn.
Later that day, after I had a chance to walk away from Realtor.Com for a bit and cleared my head, I felt myself asking me these questions...

"What happened to the home you never ever were going to leave no matter what happened??"

""what are the real reasons you want to move?"
"What about this house makes you so unhappy that you feel you need out right away??"

And you want to know something??

I could not answer them.
What did change so quickly?
Was I so caught up in the bigger and better that I wasn't thinking about the necessary?? If prices were different, would I even be discussing this?
Was I so busy thinking about what we could possibly get, I wasn't focused on if we should.
Does that make sense??
Was this GOD??
Was HE giving me a sense of stirring??
I was so confused.
Why?? I was (and still am) totally and utterly madly in love with my small corner of the world. Would I ever be able to see it go? And would I move into our bigger place and realize I made a mistake???

Last night, I looked around at the beautiful blessing God provided us almost 4 years ago. I looked at all the wonderful things we added... all of which would not be at our "new" home.
Our new top of the line ceiling fans, our personal paint colors in almost every room. Our beloved screen porch, our amazing kitchen cabinets... the list goes on. 
A trade needs to be made. I can't have it all...

I settled in our new bed that just arrived. (im super stoked about it, I'll blog about that later...but in the meantime read about the almost 15 years it took to get it HERE!)
and began to pray. I asked for forgiveness for being so greedy. I should be thankful I have a home unlike so many in Japan that now have n-o-t-h-i-n-g.
I also prayed for Gods will. If HE is tugging at our heart to move on then by all means, We will. But right now Im not sure. I prayed that God will also speak to Hubby about the decision. As fear and emotion lead my heart more that I ever like to admit.
I also prayed that God would make it super duper clear. Writing in the sky would be nice, or a prophetic word. We tend to be a bit dense sometimes and want to hear it very very clearly.
If He says its a go, then I know he will prepare us for the very emotional move. If not then I will be happy to stay put in My Little Red House he blessed us with...
You know I don't like change and a part of me WANTS Him to stay say put... after all, its easier and this is our HOME!
I also prayed a prayer of THANKFULNESS. I was so Thankful that all we have to do is tune in to God and HE will make all the hard choices.  With all the confusion in our heads, making a logical, practical and benefitial life-changing decision is just TOO MUCH! Thank the Lord he will do all the work and we will just follow. Isn't that wonderful. (phew)
Anyway, I hope this makes sense to someone...
sometimes my thoughts seem so clear in my head and when I get them on paper they are a jumbled mess.... which makes me wonder how clear they were to begin with. Ha!
Its a reflective kind of day. The clouds rolled in and our windows are covered with rain. I will make broccoli soup for dinner and take this slow day to pray. Pray for Gods will in our life, in ever way!



  1. I understand. Sometimes I don't want to wait to 'add on' but when I spend some time walking around my yard/garden I realize how much I really do love my home, neighborhood and so on...We have made this home. I love my home soooo much.

  2. I completely understand. YOu just need to trust God. Actually, this was a great post. I need to be reminded all of the time that I just need to follow.

  3. God, that is. I need to follow God.

    Just wanted to make sure that was clear.

  4. We bought our house in the Upstate 4 years ago this May and we felt we got a "pretty good deal" on it. Because of the market, our house is now worth $20,000 less than when we bought it. They are building brand new houses in our neighborhood with more bedrooms for LESS money than we paid for ours! So tempting to want to move, but then I realize that we'll never be able to SELL our house for what we paid for it! That's a sobering thought!

  5. Sometimes figuring out what God wants in our lives can be pretty tough. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in this post. :)

  6. I could completely and totally relate to this post. I have the same kind of back and forth in my own thoughts trying to discern what is right for our family and only ending up more confused.

    My husband and I live in a small (very much a fixer upper) house that he bought 1 year before we were married. We weren't sure we'd stay her all that long and we figured we'd fix it up pretty quickly. Almost 10 years later we're still here and feel like we're bursting at the seams with our 4 boys. And, our house is still VERY much a project house with almost as much that needs to be done as when we moved in.

    I dream about a larger house, & a few acres...maybe even with a stream for my boys to roam. But, THIS house has become our home...as crazy as it makes us sometimes.

    And, it's hard to know sometimes. Will God lead us to something different or is it society's siren call for bigger & better that we're really hearing.

    All that to say, I get where you are coming from. And, what a hard decision. Keep praying. He will lead you.



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